dream

Creepy Spider

Wow. I just had one of those freaky “real” dreams.  You know the ones where you are just cleaning the house or going to work – your mind gets you into the “this is real” mode.  So I was cleaning my room – dusting and reorganizing some stuff on a shelf when all of the sudden, I felt this weight on my right shoulder.  It was heavy, and multiple “claws”  or something gripped on to my back and neck. 

I turned my head slowly because, whatever it was, acting fast might trigger an adverse response. Perched on my shoulder I saw a black widow spider…and not just any spider; she was about 6 inches in diameter at her abdomen and her legs, although bent close together were another 12 inches long or more. 

Creepy.

Creepy.

Now, I don’t know why, but I thought my wife might be in the next room (haha, like she would help if this really happened – she’d be like, oh Ted, sucks to be you…). So, I started calling for her in this soft falsetto tone – “Mommmmmmy. Moooo-oooooo-mmmmmy” and of course she couldn’t hear me.

I was pretty glad to wake up this morning – especially without a 5-pound spider on my back.

Nocturnal Condo

I had a weird dream (OK, that was stupidly obvious). I dreamt my oldest daughter and I had somehow procured a thing that looked like one of those old map drawer cases – the wooden ones.  And it was crossed with that “lazy susan” technology that  has become a common upgrade in corner cabinets in kitchens, so the wooden draws spun out instead of pulled out.

What do you think the cabinet was for?? It was a multi-layer terrarium for nocturnal reptiles! Yes, for some reason we decided we wanted an entire reptilian high-rise in our house. Each level of this thing held (supposedly) different types of creatures appropriate for that drawer – the drawers were stocked with crickets/bugs, dirt, and some foliage.  On top of this structure was a pond with, of course, amphibious reptiles in it.

As I opened various drawers, a diverse array of creatures would scurry/slither to the back of the drawer. I remember talking with my daughter and wondering why in the world we would acquire such a creepy thing.  I thought the pond was kind-of cool, but it had a blue and yellow snake swimming in it.  As all dreams go, I just HAD to put my hand in the water to “pet the cute, potentially poisonous snake” and what do you think happened? Yep. He bit me.

I pulled my right hand out of the water, declaring to my wife that this snake just bit my hand. I remember telling her how I really didn’t know what half these creatures were, and figured because the snake was brightly colored, there was a chance it might be poisonous.  She was not thrilled.

My hand started to tingle, and I looked down at the bite marks, which were fairly deep punctures, but not too big.  Two holes on either side of the back of my hand, just below the knuckle of my  forefinger, and two more closer to the back side of my wrist.  The ones on my knuckle were just starting to  become inflamed, and I watched the crimson blood start to well-up in the holes.  I was calm, but I was sure there was venom, and it was working its way somewhere.

My alarm went off, and I woke up . Of course I looked at my hand and there was nothing there… whew.