“Undead Trunk Monkey” Spam

SPAMMER SAID:

With due respect,

Permit me for bumping into your privacy. I am M. Christophe Thault, a staff of Eurobank EFG Private Bank Luxembourg S.A…[9 paragraphs of total BS followed] …financial portfolio of Twenty-Two million dollars…investment be liquidated..Film Producer…Mr.Laudencio Garcнa…United Nations Treasury Documents…Mr.Laudencio Garcнa did not come back till this very day, because he and his entire family unfortunately are among the 153 that died in the Madrid Plane Crash of 20/08/08. With the right papers that I am going to give you, the two boxes containing the Twelve Million Euros will be released to you.

Sincerely,

M.Cristophe Thault

MY REPLY (yes, sent back to them):

What? Are you implying he came back after he died? You have been drinking again, and

Ouch! You bumped right into my privacy! I think you fractured my sanity, and definitely put a kink in my hopes!!I have half a mind to have my legal department sue you! I mean, if you have 22M EU floating around looking for trouble, you have come to the right place, as I have a staff of wonderful blame-storm class-action thirsty international attorneys who have nobody to sue in the states because all the deep pockets have gone bankrupt.  Screw the partnership, I am going for the whole deal, baby!

 

You…You…PRIVACY BUMBER!!

 

TheRage3K

The “Microsoft Lottery Promotion”

LOTTERY SPAMMER SAID:
To whom it may Concern:

This email address has falling into one of the lucky winners to receive the sum of $1,000,000.00 with this year’s Microsoft lottery promotion.

Please, confirm the validity of this email address to process claim.

 

Thanks,

Mrs. Larry James.

MY REPLY (Yes, I send these):
Dearest Mrs. Larry,

 

You have a dude’s name.  Are you a transvestite, or just one of those extra hairy girls with bulging biceps that fooled your parents at birth? Or perhaps you some decent gal who just happens to have mentally disturbed parents so desperate for a male baby that they just named you Larry out selfish cruelty? In any event, I thought it in your best interest to know the Microsoft promotion was cancelled yesterday because Bill Gates has fired his entire executive staff and appointed me Chair and CEO of Microsoft.  Nobody is sure why he selected me, but I think he was just having a case of bad gas – you know, the kind that smells like fish-paste and eggs, lingers like a green haze for 2 hours after it nonchalanty wafts its way out of your butt?  Yeah – it was bad.  But I endured the smell long enough to sign the paperwork, and as I went to get into the limo Mary-Kate and Ashley said they were thinking of turning their empire over to me.

 

What a day, huh?

 

TheRage3k